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If Napoleon Dynamite Was A Paramedic

April 29, 2013 by 2 Comments

napoleon-dynamiteAfter his success on the big screen and short-lived time on cable television, this week’s “Celebrity Medic” has been rather silent. Perhaps he’s sitting back relaxing with a tube of chap stick and pocket full of tater tots, or maybe he’s looking for another line of work. Either way, what better time than now to explore a new career in the field of pre-hospital emergency medicine? This leaves us to ask ourselves the big question:

What kind of paramedic would Napoleon Dynamite be?

Napoleon would most likely work for a small, rural EMS service in his home town of Preston, Idaho. He would have most likely been inspired to take up work in EMS after his grandmother’s quad accident that left her with a broken coccyx. Chances are, he would still be living at home, which would work to his benefit being that the ambulance service he works for only pays a dollar an hour.

He would most likely be paired up with his best-friend Pedro, who would be rather quiet but would do most of the driving. They would most likely respond on Pedro’s bike, taking it off plenty of sweet jumps on the way to calls. This, of course, means that Napoleon’s crew would be limited to first-responder duties. Patient transport would be completed by Uncle Rico and Kip, using Uncle Rico’s van.

Rex Kwan DoScene safety would be handled by Rex, from “Rex Kwon Do”, and his wife Starla. They would be dispatched to all of Napoleon’s calls to ensure that the scene was clear.  Rex would provide these services at a cost of $300 every 8 weeks. For an additional fee and a promised vote for Pedro, you could also receive on-the-spot personalized protection by Pedro’s cousins.

Protocols for Napoleon’s ambulance service would mostly consist of “doing whatever I feel like doing…..gosh!“. More specifically, hypoglycemia would treated by administering tater tots that Napoleon stores in his pocket. Trauma care would be provided in the form of prevention, using Uncle Rico’s time machine to travel back before the incident and stop the traumatic event before it happens. Instead of outlining interventions that Napoleon could perform, there would just be a list of “skills”.

Instead of doing a traditional bedside report at the receiving hospital, Napoleon and Pedro would hand off patient information in the form of a skit or current event presentation.

Documentation wouldn’t be completed in the form of a traditional or electronic PCR. Instead, Napoleon would draw animated pictures of the patients that he transported in a scene that describes their condition and what they looked like on arrival.

Uniforms would include black snow boots, white shirts with “big sleeves“, and round buttons featuring “Glamour Shots By Deb” for identification.

In conclusion, I feel that flexible protocols, a tiered response system, time travel capabilities, and a massive set of “skills” would all contribute to a efficient and effective delivery of pre-hospital medicine.

Have an idea for the next “Celebrity Medic”? Send me an e-mail at sean@medicmadness.com. 

Filed Under: Celebrity Medics, Featured, Humor Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

If Mitt Romney Was A Paramedic

September 28, 2012 by 6 Comments

With election season around the corner, 2 people are going to be faced with some major career changes. One of them is going to lead this country, and the other is going to become unemployed. With Mitt Romney’s poll numbers starting to slide, it’s uncertain if he’s going to have a job come November. Sure, he could probably stand to not work for the rest of his life, but at the risk of becoming one of the 47%, I would imagine that he would immediately start to look for some form of employment. This would be a huge opportunity for him to make a difference in healthcare by taking up a job in the pre-hospital setting.

So without further delay, we must ask ourselves the big question of the week:

What kind of paramedic would Mitt Romney be?

Mr. Romney’s job would start sometime around January and wouldn’t be secure forever. He would have to re-apply and go through the employment screening and hiring process every 4 years.

Once employed, Mitt’s first item on his agenda would be to immediately work towards repealing whatever set of protocols are in place. These would most likely be replaced by new guidelines that many would argue withhold or limit care for women and retired seniors. Others might argue that the new protocols would save the service money by limiting supplies and care to only those that pay their bills.

Funding for Mr. Romney’s ambulance service would be obtained similar to that of a campaign contribution. These donations would primarily be made by large drug companies. While this method would be effective in maintaining more than adequate funds, it would require protocols to be written that regularly include the use of said drug company’s products.

Staffing for Mitt’s ambulance service could be kept to a minimum as 47% of the population in his response area would never use his services. Instead, those residents would utilize a government-run EMS service that is funded by 100% tax dollars.

Performance for Mr. Romney’s service would not be evaluated based on response times. Instead, agencies would be hired to conduct scientific polls in his response area to determine the approval rating. This method would also be used heavily during contract bids.

Documentation would not require the use of paper or electronic patient care reports. Instead, all interventions during his call would be recorded secretly using cell phone cameras or tape recorders. He would only be require to maintain these medical records for 2 years.

Mitt’s radio reports would be unique as the information provided would be different than that of a traditional report. He wouldn’t provide the basic information about the chief complaint, vitals, or response to treatment. Instead, he would explain how the last paramedic to run the patient didn’t do a good enough job and how they will be better off not repeating their last pre-hospital experience.

In the end, his care would differ very little from the last few paramedics to hold his job. Treatment would continue to consist mostly of promises to start feeling better and blaming of previous forms of treatment. Most patients would complain that the service is inadequate, however they would continue to utilize and support it.

Have a suggestion for the next “Celebrity Medic”? Send me an e-mail at sean@medicmadness.com. 

 

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If Beavis and Butthead Were Paramedics

January 20, 2012 by 1 Comment

The recent return of – in my opinion – the greatest TV show MTV ever produced definitely calls for some celebration. And what better way to do it than to feature the dynamic duo as the latest “celebrity medic”? They have certainly had their share of adventures, have always adapted well to their surroundings and no matter what situation they find themselves in, they always remain calm and never lose their cool. These are all traits that we look for in a good paramedic. Besides, having worked their dead-end job at Burger-World for years, I’m sure they would be ready for a new line of work. So let’s celebrate their triumphant return to late-night television by asking ourselves the big question:

What kind of paramedics would Beavis and Butthead be?

Shifts

It’s pretty obvious that Beavis and Butthead don’t really commit to anything, so assigning shifts would be pointless. Instead, they would be a better fit in a volunteer / on-call scheduling environment. This way they could respond to calls when they find time between watching music videos, trying to get beer, and going on whatever random journey they can think of.

Response

A traditional radio / quick-call system would prove itself to be ineffective. The noise would probably just annoy them and would most likely lead to destruction of the alerting device with some form of heavy object. Instead, Beavis and Butthead would just do what they normally do and “stumble” into emergencies during their everyday routine.

Radio Reports

When calling in to the receiving hospital,  Beavis and Butthead wouldn’t utilize the traditional format for delivering patient information. Instead, they would key up the microphone and just ramble on random observations about their patient’s condition and appearance, similar to the way they comment on music videos.

Below is an example of a typical radio report from Beavis and Butthead:

Butthead: “Uhhhhhh, hello?”

Hospital: “Go ahead from County Hospital”

Butthead: “Uhhhh, heyyyy baby, we like have this guy who got hit by a car. He’s bleeding and stuff everywhere”

Beavis: “Hehe, yea, it’s pretty awesome”

Butthead: “Shut up dumbass, I’m giving the radio report”

Hospital: “How much blood has he lost?”

Butthead: “Uhhhhh, like, you know, almost all of it”

Beavis: “It’s not that much really”

Butthead: “Dammit Beavis, shut up! I’m trying to score with this chick on the radio.”

Protocols

Treatment in the field would depend on the person providing the care. When Butthead is attending, his care could range from actually attempting to address the patient’s complaint, to sitting there and just making derogatory comments about the patient. Beavis takes a much simpler approach to pre-hospital emergency care. He would simply provide “TP for their bungholes”.

Continuing Education

Being that Beavis and Butthead are lacking in the education department, reading material would be virtually useless. Instead, visual study aids would be utilized for them to retain information that is presented. Protocol updates would be delivered in the form of music videos and lectures from attractive women who offer points towards “scoring” for passing protocol tests.

Conclusion

While Beavis and Butthead might not be the best paramedics in the world – actually they would be more like the worst – things seem to always work in their favor. They may be lazy and absent minded, but when actually put what little bit of brains they have towards accomplishing something, they typically stick with it until they get their desired results. Not much would affect them, which would be beneficial during periods of high stress. If they actually did save someones life, it would most likely be on accident. But hey, a save’s a save, right?

Filed Under: Celebrity Medics, Featured, Humor Tagged With: , , , , , ,

If Tim Tebow Was a Paramedic

January 13, 2012 by 4 Comments

This week’s “Celebrity Medic” features an NFL star that has captured headlines, stirred up political controversy and helped send the Squealers Steelers back home to Pittsburgh last Sunday. So with all his talent, money and fame, one would imagine that he would be set in his career for a long time, right? Perhaps, but we also know that the average career of an NFL player is only a few years, so what will he do after he retires from the NFL? He could either return from retirement several times like some of his coworkers, or perhaps seek employment in another field. And what better field than emergency medicine?

So without further delay, lets ask ourselves the big question of the week:

What kind of paramedic would Tim Tebow be?

Shifts

Rather than utilize the traditional long-hour EMS shift schedule, Mr. Tebow would only be required to work 16 days out of the year. A maximum of 3 over-time shifts would also be offered to employees with exceptional performance. The shifts would only be 1 hour in duration, but being that he would only be able to clock in during calls, they would most likely drag out to be 3-4 hours long.

Response

Tim Tebow would have the option of either responding by air or by ground. However, given his record, a ground response would most likely be in the patient’s best interest as he would have a 50/50 chance of missing the landing zones on scene calls. His response area would be rather small, only consisting of a 100-yard radius.

Training

Being that Tim’s work schedule only consists of a small fraction of the days that a standard EMS schedule has, he would be required to attend training camps to refresh on his skills before returning to work. He would also be required to attend 3-4 FTO shifts prior to be released on his own to run calls.

Protocols

The protocols at Tim Tebow’s ambulance service wouldn’t be written in the standard format with sections and a table of contents. Instead, it would be in novel format separated by chapters and verses.

Treatment

Field medicine for Mr. Tebow’s service would be very similar to that of a standard EMS system with only a few differences. Instead of pre-loaded saline flushes, his service would stock 10cc syringes filled with holy water. Also, a post-termination of resuscitation protocol would be added consisting of prayer sessions and on-site memorial services.

Hand-Offs

Radio reports for Mr. Tebow’s service would be brief. These would be performed by placing the mic several feet in front of him and yelling code-words that only the hospital staff would understand. Bedside reports would be given by gathering the nurses and doctors for a “huddle” next to the patient’s bed.

Conclusion

Tim Tebow’s youth, excellent health, dedication to his work, and love of life  all make him a perfect candidate for a career in EMS.

Like this post? Greg Friese has another “Celebrity Medic” write-up featuring Tim Tebow. Be sure to stop by Everyday EMS Tips to check it out!

Filed Under: Celebrity Medics, Featured, Humor Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

If Santa Claus was a Paramedic

December 25, 2011 by 2 Comments

It’s that time of year again when 364 days of being nice is supposed to pay off. Santa Claus and his team of elite elves spend every year preparing for this one night where they get to travel the world and bring joy to all of the families.

While this may seem like a nice job, it can get old after a while. Santa has been doing the same old routine since before any of us can remember. While I’m sure he enjoys his line of work, I think a time is going to come when he will want to finally hang up his hat and enjoy Christmas with his own family.

You know what I’m talking about. Retirement. This would of course open the door to the possibility of starting a new job to subsidize his pension. And I think we all now that a new career in EMS would be right up his alley.

So without further delay, we must ask ourselves the question of this wonderful holiday season. What kind of paramedic would Santa Claus be?

Shifts

I’m sure that Mr. Claus would be happy to work any day except Christmas. This of course could be our golden opportunity as EMS providers to finally take every other holiday off. With his ability to travel the entire world in one night, he would certainly be able to handle all the 911 calls while we spend time with our families.

Response

Santa Claus is still old school, so I’m sure that he would utilize the traditional quick call and paging systems. The only difference is, he would wait until you are sleeping at night to respond.

Vehicle

Santa’s magic sleigh would be perfect for responding to emergency calls and would require no modification at all. The ability to fly would eliminate problems caused when motorists fail to yield. He also wouldn’t need to install any code-3 equipment as the “jingling bells” would be loud enough to replace a siren and Rudolph’s nose would satisfy the requirement of a “steady burning read lamp” that’s needed to legally drive code-3. If he can fit presents for every kid in the world, imagine how many patients he could carry?

Triage

While the “START” triage system certainly has it’s place, it’s just a little too main-stream for Santa. Instead, he would tag each patient as either “naughty” or “nice”, of course treating and transporting the nice patients first.

Uniforms

Santa’s uniform would be similar in appearance but would require some modifications to the colors. The red on his suite would be replaced with navy-blue and the white cotton would be replaced with reflective tape to ensure visibility at night. He would also require an identifying patch on his back labeled “NPEMS”, which is short for “North Pole Emergency Medical Services”.

Response Area

Santa’s main quarters would be located at his orginal residence at the north pole. However, his response area would encompass the entire world. His ability to travel at high speeds and visit every house in one night would ensure that he met all of his response-time requirements.

Conclusion

The ability to travel at high speeds, his good customer service record, and his habbit of eating unhealthy snacks on the job all make Santa a perfect fit for a job in EMS.

Merry Christmas to all of you out there. With any luck, you are reading this at home and spending time with your family. If you are working this holiday, then I thank you. Stay safe out there and enjoy the holiday season.


Filed Under: Celebrity Medics, Featured Tagged With: , , ,

If John Wayne was a Paramedic

July 31, 2011 by 2 Comments

If there is one thing that is certain in life, it’s that John Wayne was one rough, tough, dude that didn’t take no crap off nobody. If you are anything like me, then you have probably thoroughly enjoyed his old western flicks and war-time movies. There is no doubt that he was very successful as an actor. But what would have happened if he had chosen a different career path? Personally, I think that a career in EMS would have been right up his alley. So now we must ask ourselves the question:

What kind of paramedic would John Wayne be? 

Shifts

While Mr. Wayne would be available day and night, it wouldn’t be very wise to require his services during the night when he is sleeping. He also wouldn’t cover a specific area as he is constantly on the move during the day.

Response

John Wayne wouldn’t need to respond to calls for medical aid as disease processes know better than to mess with “The Duke”. Chances are, any patients of his would be people that he shot or beat up. This of course wouldn’t leave much for Mr. Wayne to do as most of the people that found themselves in that position would either be dead or incapacitated.

Scene Safety

The Duke laughs at the possibility of an “unsafe scene”. As a matter of fact, any person wishing to cause harm to John Wayne would have to stage and wait for clearance for their own safety.

Protocols

Being that The Duke is more “old school” his protocols would be rather simple and could be summarized into the following categories:

  • Pain Management – Consists of breaking a finger or limb to take the pain away from the original injury.

  • Trauma Care – The walking wounded would be told to “walk it off”, the severely injured would be shot.

  • Medical Emergencies – Refer back to “trauma care” and “pain management”.

Equipment

Trauma shears, cardiac monitors, stethoscopes and IV catheters are great for urban EMS providers, but are over-kill for The Duke’s service. He would need a rather simple and light set of tools that he could easily carry on a horse. Given the simple nature of his protocols, all he would really need is the following:

  • Whiskey – The only thing carried in his “medicine bag”. Used for infection control and to either get his patients or himself drunk.

  • Rope – Used to tie his patients behind his horse to bring into town for definitive care.

  • Gun – Utilized for putting severely ill and injured patients “out of their misery”.

Conclusion

In paramedic school we often teach the “KISS” (keep it simple, stupid) method of patient care. John Wayne would be a great example of how that can be effective. He would operate a cost-effective service as he wouldn’t need to transport very many people (see trauma and medical protocols) and he wouldn’t require first responders or law enforcement to assist him. His resourcefulness, ability to adapt, simplicity of care and ability to kick some serious ass would make him a perfect candidate for a job in EMS.

Do you have an idea for next week’s “Celebrity Medic”? Feel free to comment below or e-mail me at sean@medicmadness.com.

Filed Under: Celebrity Medics, Featured, Humor Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

If Spongebob Squarepants was a Paramedic

July 24, 2011 by 3 Comments

This week I reached out to people over Twitter and Facebook to see who should be the next “Celebrity Medic”. I received a ton of great responses and I had a hard time choosing, so I consulted my wife and my daughter to help me pick out the best one. It took them about 3 seconds to choose @paramedicintern‘s recommendation, so here it is!

Our “Celebrity Medic” this week features a rather young fellow that has lit up children’s TV screens for several years now. While he currently has a steady job working as a grill-chef at Bikini Bottom’s popular “Krusty Crab”, he may one day decide to further his career and pursue another line of work that doesn’t include flipping burgers and cleaning floors. So why not go after a job in EMS? I can’t think of a better job for a young man with such the ambition and work ethic that he has. So let’s ask ourselves the question of the week:

What kind of paramedic would Spongebob Squarepants be?

Shifts

While Spongebob is used to the standard 9-5 shift, he has plenty of energy to work nights, weekends and any other time that he would be needed. It would be my guess that with all of his energy and enthusiasm, he would probably be on-duty 24/7.

Response

Spongebob isn’t exactly a real high-tech kid, so I would imagine that he would utilize the traditional 2-way radio and quick-call system to be notified of emergencies. This could easily be done by modifying his “ship-horn” alarm clock to be used as a quick-call bell. This would also help to ensure that he never misses a call.

Dispatch

The dispatch center for Spongebob’s ambulance service would be located 2 doors down from his current headquarters. Of course, the dispatching would be handled by none other than Patrick Star. While Patrick doesn’t exactly possess the intelligence to effectively run a dispatch center, he is loyal and is the only person that can truly communicate well with Spongebob.

Partner

Squidward Tentacles would be a good match for working with Spongebob as he already has experience dealing with him in the workplace. However, he would match the stereotype as the disgruntled, burnt-out partner. He would also have to handle all of the driving as Spongebob doesn’t currently have his boating license.

Hospitals

Bikini-bottom would be served by 2 main hospitals. KMC (Krusty Medical-Center) would be operated by Mr. Eugene Crabbs and would feature cardiac, stroke, OB and trauma capabilities. While they would provide all levels of emergency care, they would primarily specialize in fish-hook and gill-net injuries. CBR (Chum Bucket Regional) would be run by Plankton and wouldn’t be nearly as popular as it wouldn’t offer any specialty services and wouldn’t have any insurance contracts.

Treatment

Spongebob would specialize in trauma care as he can easily mold himself around his patient’s body to form either a splint or a backboard. He can also soak up lost blood for re-transfusion when they arrive at the hospital. During his down time, he may also be called by the local police department to mop up crime scenes.

Conclusion

Spongebob’s ambition, caring personality and energy would make him a perfect fit for a job in EMS. He would be sure to serve Bikini Bottom well.

Have an idea for next weeks “Celebrity Medic”?. E-Mail me or tell over Twitter with the #celebritymedic hashtag. 

Filed Under: Celebrity Medics, Featured, Humor Tagged With: , , , , , ,

If Anthony Weiner was a Paramedic

July 17, 2011 by 1 Comment

This weeks “Celebrity Medic” features a young politician who has stolen the news headlines over the past couple months. With all the recent negative publicity, and his recent resignation from congress, many of us are left to wonder where Mr. Weiner’s career is going to take him. Now that he has left office, what is he going to do next? Well, this would be the perfect opportunity for him to take up a job in the pre-hospital medical field. After all, we are used to negative press and public scrutiny. A job like this would be right up Mr. Wiener’s alley. So that of course leaves us to ask the question of the week:

What kind of Paramedic would Anthony Weiner be?

 Shifts

People working at Mr. Weiner’s ambulance service wouldn’t work the traditional 12 or 24-hour shifts. Instead they would work in “sessions” that wouldn’t include weekends, holidays and the majority of the summer.

Documentation

Patient care reports would come in 2 parts for Mr. Weiner’s EMS service. The first report would be completed and made available for viewing immediately after the incident. This report would be reviewed and investigated for accuracy over the course of a couple weeks. A second, revised version of the report would then be released to correct errors and inconsistencies from the previous report.

Radio Reports

Anthony Weiner is one to take advantage of what modern technology has to offer. Rather than utilize the age-old standard of communicating through 2-way radios, he would use social-media to his advantage. Instead of just giving a verbal report of his findings, he would use his cell-phone to take pictures of his patient’s body parts in order to provide a thorough report of what he found during his assessment. These pictures would of course be posted on Twitter and addressed to the nurses at the receiving hospital.

Uniform

Mr. Weiner probably thinks trauma pants and jump suits are a dying trend. He isn’t one to conform to the traditional EMS standard of uniforms. Instead, he would wear tight, gray, “trauma-shorts” and a small, white, uniform shirt. This would allow for flexibility and comfort during the hotter times of the year.

Management

Mr. Wiener’s EMS service would require strict supervision. Fortunately, this would be provided by other former politicians who come to the service with more experience from similar backgrounds. The service would be headed by Operation’s Manager, Bill Clinton. While he is little more “old-school” and not as well versed in the on-line technology that the service utilizes, he certainly comes with great wisdom and a lot of background in employee-relations. Second in command would be handled by none other than former California Governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger. His background in keeping internal affairs confidential would prove to be extremely useful.

Conclusion

With Anthony’s departure from congress, this is the perfect time for him to take on a new career in the pre-hospital medical field. His public relations skills, knowledge of social-media and extensive education in human anatomy make him a perfect fit for a job as a paramedic.

Filed Under: Celebrity Medics, Featured, Humor Tagged With: , , , , ,

If the “Windows” Operating System Was a Paramedic

April 23, 2011 by 1 Comment

This week’s “Celebrity Medic” is unique as this is the first time that I have featured an operating system. Sure, it may seem unreasonable, but with Amazon’s server crash and SkyNet taking over, Mr. Gates may need to take his software development in a different direction. So when the machines rise and the war on artificial intelligence begins, let’s hope that we still have a few “ones and zeros” on our side. So when our army of bloated, over-priced, buggy, windows-powered paramedic robots come to our aid, we must ask ourselves:

What kind of a paramedic would the Windows Operating System be?

Shifts

The windows operating system wouldn’t function well on a 24 hour shift as it would require several breaks, or re-boots if you will. My guess is the medic-bots would see optimal performance when run under short intervals.

Response

Unlike humans, computers don’t respond well to radio traffic. Instead, Windows would utilize their “error reporting” feature to notify the medic-bots of a medical emergency. I guess the only catch is making sure people don’t just close down that little box when it pops up on their screen…..

Scene Safety

Robots have the advantage of not worrying about potentially dangerous scenarios as they can pretty much defend themselves from any physical harm that a human would attempt. However, being that the medic-bots rely on “Internet Explorer” to navigate their way to the calls, they would have to worry about catching spyware and viruses. To combat this, police-bots would be dispatched with anti-virus and anti-spyware programs installed for protection.

Protocols

While the actual written language of the medic-bot’s protocols are not available for public viewing, it is known that the Windows OS would utilize power-cycles, reboots, error messages and blue-screens to treat any disease process.

Billing

It should be noted that the medic-bots are for single-patient only. Each person utilizing their service would have to acquire a user-license, which come in 6 different packages:

  • Home Medical Basic Edition – $89.99 per user
    -BLS measures only with no trauma care enabled.
  • Home Trauma Basic Edition – $89.99 per user
    -BLS measures only with no medical care enabled.
  • Medical Professional Edition – $169.99 per user
    -    ALS medical with BLS trauma included.
  • Trauma Professional Edition – $169.99 per user
    -ALS trauma with BLS medical included.
  • Paramedic Premium Edition – $399.99 per user
    -    Complete pre-hospital care with ALS trauma and medical.
  • Basic Response Edition – Comes free with the robot
    -Only obtains AMA’s.

Conclusion

Some of you might worry about using robots in the war against robots, but worry not. The Windows Operating System is powered on money. In the event that the OS turns on it’s human creators, just hide your wallets and eventually it will refuse to function.

Have an idea for next weeks “Celebrity Medic”? E-mail me at sean@medicmadness.com

Filed Under: Celebrity Medics, Featured, Humor Tagged With: , , , , ,

If Creed Bratton was a Paramedic

March 11, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Week 2 of “The Office” month is better than ever with one of my favorite characters. We all know Creed for his strange comments, terrible memory and resourcefulness. Despite his foggy memory and shady behavior, he has shown us that he is quite crafty and thinks well on his feet. This is why I feel that he would be a perfect fit for a job in the pre-hospital setting. So let’s ask ourselves the big question of the week:

What kind of paramedic would Creed be?

Shifts

24 or 48 hour shifts wouldn’t be something that Creed could do for very long. His old age and bad work ethic would land him in a job that required no more than 8 hours of work at a time.

Response

Being that Creed operates under the radar, he probably wouldn’t utilize the typical radio or quick-call system to be notified of calls for help. Instead he would be slipped notes with the names and addresses of people requesting his services. It should also be known that he would most likely run his own “under the table” ambulance service while working for a real ambulance service.  He would use company equipment and vehicles and respond without notifying dispatch. This would allow him to operate with no overhead and therefore could steal the patient load by under-cutting his employer with much cheaper rates.

Vehicle

Given Creed’s old age, bad vision and memory loss, he would most likely hire a “wheel-man” to assist him in operating his service. As previously mentioned, he would utilize whatever ambulance is assigned to him by his employer. He would also utilize their company gas card and take it in to their shop for regular maintenance.

Protocols

Creed probably wouldn’t remember anything that was written in his protocols, so he would have to treat each patient differently and use his own judgement. My guess is that he would most likely document that he treated his patients, but would really be stealing the drugs either for his own use or to sell on the black market.

Uniform

Creed would most likely need 1 uniform with 2 sets of identification. He would wear his standard ID with his name and credentials when reporting for work, and then switch out his ID to match his alter-ego “William Charles Schneider”. This would allow him to run his black-market calls without being identified.

Documentation

Creed’s poor memory would do little for him in a court a law, should he find himself on the wrong end of a law suit. Although rather than use the traditional PCR, he would document his findings and interventions on his blog: www.creedthoughts.gov.www/creedthoughts.

Conclusion

Creed’s ability to adapt, street smarts, and connections in the black market would give him an upper hand with his new business. While he may be taking a pay cut at his regular job, he would certainly make up for it by running his side-business. He may not be turn out to be the best paramedic in the world, but he would real interesting to work with. Check in next Friday to find out which “Office” character gets to take on a new career in pre-hospital care!

Filed Under: Celebrity Medics, Featured, Humor Tagged With: , , , ,
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