Most of the readers of this blog are probably familiar with this weeks “Celebrity Medic”. If you’re not, go check him out of Facebook and read his blog. When he isn’t busy crushing the souls of the sinners of the highway, you might be able to find him chatting it up on the Crossover Show, or bragging about making people cry on Facebook. Although being a motorcycle cop sounds pretty freaking cool, I can’t help but wonder if one day MC will hang up his helmet and boots. What if he decided to leave the Dark Side and take up a career in pre-hospital emergency medicine? That would leave us no other choice but to ask ourselves the big question of the week:
What kind of Paramedic would Motorcop be?
First and foremost, guys like MC need a saying or a slogan. “Soul Crusher” just doesn’t seem fitting for a paramedic…..”Disease Crusher” however, does. Perhaps a patch featuring a picture of him stomping out disease and punching bacteria in the face would be appropriate.
I couldn’t imagine that MC would be happy working on an ambulance as it’s too big and too slow. I could see him working in a first-responder vehicle or perhaps even one of the lucky few that get to work EMS on a motorcycle. I couldn’t see him working 24 hour shifts, instead he would probably seek the traditional law enforcement schedule of 8-10 hours.
Instead of following a set of protocols, MC would set rules or guidelines for the body systems of patients to operate under. Any deviation from the rules would result in citations or fines. He would most likely specialize in motor vehicle collisions and his trauma care would mostly consist of investigating the mechanism of injury. Patients receiving transcutaneous pacing or electrical cardioversion would not receive sedation. Instead, they would be told “If you got shocked, you deserved it”.
Transitioning from a law enforcement job to EMS would require some specialized equipment. Here is a list of essential equipment for MC’s medic bike:
- Baton: Used a long-bone splint.
- Bullet Proof Vest: Used as a make-shift KED.
- Taser: Used as an Automatic External Defibrillator.
- Breathalyzer: Modified to detect CO2 for use in confirming ET tube placement.
- Handcuffs: Made larger for use as a tourniquet.
- Radar Gun: Used as a portable x-ray device.
- Gun: Still used to shoot bad guys…….
Overall, I think MC would be a perfect candidate for a job in EMS. Response times wouldn’t be an issue and scene safety would be assumed. While obtaining blood samples would require a search warrant, pt’s would otherwise not have the ability to refuse treatment. Patient rights would be replaced with Miranda Rights, and patient care reports would be replaced by citations. While the transition would be tough, I think he would fit right in with the rest of us gurney-pushers.
Have an idea for next week’s “Celebrity Medic”? Send me an e-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org