This week’s “Celebrity Medic” features an NFL star that has captured headlines, stirred up political controversy and helped send the
Squealers Steelers back home to Pittsburgh last Sunday. So with all his talent, money and fame, one would imagine that he would be set in his career for a long time, right? Perhaps, but we also know that the average career of an NFL player is only a few years, so what will he do after he retires from the NFL? He could either return from retirement several times like some of his coworkers, or perhaps seek employment in another field. And what better field than emergency medicine?
So without further delay, lets ask ourselves the big question of the week:
What kind of paramedic would Tim Tebow be?
Rather than utilize the traditional long-hour EMS shift schedule, Mr. Tebow would only be required to work 16 days out of the year. A maximum of 3 over-time shifts would also be offered to employees with exceptional performance. The shifts would only be 1 hour in duration, but being that he would only be able to clock in during calls, they would most likely drag out to be 3-4 hours long.
Tim Tebow would have the option of either responding by air or by ground. However, given his record, a ground response would most likely be in the patient’s best interest as he would have a 50/50 chance of missing the landing zones on scene calls. His response area would be rather small, only consisting of a 100-yard radius.
Being that Tim’s work schedule only consists of a small fraction of the days that a standard EMS schedule has, he would be required to attend training camps to refresh on his skills before returning to work. He would also be required to attend 3-4 FTO shifts prior to be released on his own to run calls.
The protocols at Tim Tebow’s ambulance service wouldn’t be written in the standard format with sections and a table of contents. Instead, it would be in novel format separated by chapters and verses.
Field medicine for Mr. Tebow’s service would be very similar to that of a standard EMS system with only a few differences. Instead of pre-loaded saline flushes, his service would stock 10cc syringes filled with holy water. Also, a post-termination of resuscitation protocol would be added consisting of prayer sessions and on-site memorial services.
Radio reports for Mr. Tebow’s service would be brief. These would be performed by placing the mic several feet in front of him and yelling code-words that only the hospital staff would understand. Bedside reports would be given by gathering the nurses and doctors for a “huddle” next to the patient’s bed.
Tim Tebow’s youth, excellent health, dedication to his work, and love of life all make him a perfect candidate for a career in EMS.