If Santa Claus was a Paramedic

It’s that time of year again when 364 days of being nice is supposed to pay off. Santa Claus and his team of elite elves spend every year preparing for this one night where they get to travel the world and bring joy to all of the families.

While this may seem like a nice job, it can get old after a while. Santa has been doing the same old routine since before any of us can remember. While I’m sure he enjoys his line of work, I think a time is going to come when he will want to finally hang up his hat and enjoy Christmas with his own family.

You know what I’m talking about. Retirement. This would of course open the door to the possibility of starting a new job to subsidize his pension. And I think we all now that a new career in EMS would be right up his alley.

So without further delay, we must ask ourselves the question of this wonderful holiday season. What kind of paramedic would Santa Claus be?

Shifts

I’m sure that Mr. Claus would be happy to work any day except Christmas. This of course could be our golden opportunity as EMS providers to finally take every other holiday off. With his ability to travel the entire world in one night, he would certainly be able to handle all the 911 calls while we spend time with our families.

Response

Santa Claus is still old school, so I’m sure that he would utilize the traditional quick call and paging systems. The only difference is, he would wait until you are sleeping at night to respond.

Vehicle

Santa’s magic sleigh would be perfect for responding to emergency calls and would require no modification at all. The ability to fly would eliminate problems caused when motorists fail to yield. He also wouldn’t need to install any code-3 equipment as the “jingling bells” would be loud enough to replace a siren and Rudolph’s nose would satisfy the requirement of a “steady burning read lamp” that’s needed to legally drive code-3. If he can fit presents for every kid in the world, imagine how many patients he could carry?

Triage

While the “START” triage system certainly has it’s place, it’s just a little too main-stream for Santa. Instead, he would tag each patient as either “naughty” or “nice”, of course treating and transporting the nice patients first.

Uniforms

Santa’s uniform would be similar in appearance but would require some modifications to the colors. The red on his suite would be replaced with navy-blue and the white cotton would be replaced with reflective tape to ensure visibility at night. He would also require an identifying patch on his back labeled “NPEMS”, which is short for “North Pole Emergency Medical Services”.

Response Area

Santa’s main quarters would be located at his orginal residence at the north pole. However, his response area would encompass the entire world. His ability to travel at high speeds and visit every house in one night would ensure that he met all of his response-time requirements.

Conclusion

The ability to travel at high speeds, his good customer service record, and his habbit of eating unhealthy snacks on the job all make Santa a perfect fit for a job in EMS.

Merry Christmas to all of you out there. With any luck, you are reading this at home and spending time with your family. If you are working this holiday, then I thank you. Stay safe out there and enjoy the holiday season.