This week I reached out to people over Twitter and Facebook to see who should be the next “Celebrity Medic”. I received a ton of great responses and I had a hard time choosing, so I consulted my wife and my daughter to help me pick out the best one. It took them about 3 seconds to choose @paramedicintern‘s recommendation, so here it is!
Our “Celebrity Medic” this week features a rather young fellow that has lit up children’s TV screens for several years now. While he currently has a steady job working as a grill-chef at Bikini Bottom’s popular “Krusty Crab”, he may one day decide to further his career and pursue another line of work that doesn’t include flipping burgers and cleaning floors. So why not go after a job in EMS? I can’t think of a better job for a young man with such the ambition and work ethic that he has. So let’s ask ourselves the question of the week:
What kind of paramedic would Spongebob Squarepants be?
Shifts
While Spongebob is used to the standard 9-5 shift, he has plenty of energy to work nights, weekends and any other time that he would be needed. It would be my guess that with all of his energy and enthusiasm, he would probably be on-duty 24/7.
Response
Spongebob isn’t exactly a real high-tech kid, so I would imagine that he would utilize the traditional 2-way radio and quick-call system to be notified of emergencies. This could easily be done by modifying his “ship-horn” alarm clock to be used as a quick-call bell. This would also help to ensure that he never misses a call.
Dispatch
The dispatch center for Spongebob’s ambulance service would be located 2 doors down from his current headquarters. Of course, the dispatching would be handled by none other than Patrick Star. While Patrick doesn’t exactly possess the intelligence to effectively run a dispatch center, he is loyal and is the only person that can truly communicate well with Spongebob.
Partner
Squidward Tentacles would be a good match for working with Spongebob as he already has experience dealing with him in the workplace. However, he would match the stereotype as the disgruntled, burnt-out partner. He would also have to handle all of the driving as Spongebob doesn’t currently have his boating license.
Hospitals
Bikini-bottom would be served by 2 main hospitals. KMC (Krusty Medical-Center) would be operated by Mr. Eugene Crabbs and would feature cardiac, stroke, OB and trauma capabilities. While they would provide all levels of emergency care, they would primarily specialize in fish-hook and gill-net injuries. CBR (Chum Bucket Regional) would be run by Plankton and wouldn’t be nearly as popular as it wouldn’t offer any specialty services and wouldn’t have any insurance contracts.
Treatment
Spongebob would specialize in trauma care as he can easily mold himself around his patient’s body to form either a splint or a backboard. He can also soak up lost blood for re-transfusion when they arrive at the hospital. During his down time, he may also be called by the local police department to mop up crime scenes.
Conclusion
Spongebob’s ambition, caring personality and energy would make him a perfect fit for a job in EMS. He would be sure to serve Bikini Bottom well.
Have an idea for next weeks “Celebrity Medic”?. E-Mail me or tell over Twitter with the #celebritymedic hashtag.
About Sean Eddy
