This weeks “Celebrity Medic” is long overdue. Growing up, I always had a love for his slap-stick comedy. From “Airplane” to “The Naked Gun”, Mr. Nielson was sure to give everyone many laughs…..and still does. With his unfortunate passing last November, I was left to wonder how he would have fit into a job in the pre-hospital setting. With his experience as a doctor, umpire and under-cover police officer, I had no doubt that he would be a perfect fit. So then I decided to honor him by answering the question of the week:
What kind of Paramedic would Leslie Nielsen be?
Shifts
As a traveling doctor and under-cover police officer, Mr. Nielsen is used to being on-duty all the time. Although I would imagine that while working at DCMSAS (Don’t Call Me Shirley Ambulance Service) he would prefer to work during daylight hours.
Response
Leslie Nielsen doesn’t typically “respond” to calls for help. He just winds up in the middle of trouble. Whether the emergency takes place in an airplane or at a baseball game, Leslie has the ability to adapt and overcome.
Vehicle
Mr. Nielsen utilized several reliable vehicles during his career as a detective, but with his record of habitual bad driving, I think the most effect emergency response vehicle would be the driving school car, drove by none other than a teen driving student.
Scene Safety
With Leslie’s expertise in self-defense, calling for law enforcement to clear a potentially dangerous scene would be unnecessary. Typically armed with a snub-nosed .38 special that never seems to run out of ammo, he would be able to fight off any danger that might come his way.
Partner
For the most part, Leslie Nielsen works alone. However, if given the task of choosing a partner, I think that George Kennedy would be the perfect fit. He’s smart, knowledgeable and is able to look for Leslie who is typically unaware of his surroundings.
Dispatch
Call taking and dispatching for DCMSAS would be handled by none other than Robert Stack. He’s calm, smart and works well under pressure. Not to mention that he could also be used in dangerous situations to help secure a scene.
Training
Continuing education at DCMSAS would be handled by several qualified experts in pre-hospital care. LLoyd Bridges would handle all of the training on controlled substances, since he specializes in nicotine addiction, alcohol intoxication, methamphetamine abuse, and household substances. OJ Simpson would cover traumatic injuries, being that he is an expert in gunshot wounds, blunt trauma, burns, falls, crushing injuries, bear traps and drownings.
Protocols
Patient care at DCMSAS would mostly consist of supportive measures and “getting this man to the hospital”.
Conclusion
Leslie Nielsen’s experience as a police officer, doctor, spy, and umpire all make him a perfect fit for the job. Even though he is rather clueless to what is going on around him, his team of narcotic experts, trauma experts, dispatchers, and undercover police officers would make him a perfect fit for a job in EMS.
Have a suggestion for next week’s “Celebrity Medic”? E-mail me at sean@medicmadness.com
About Sean Eddy
