If Al Gore was a Paramedic

As science continues to work against the theory of global warming and allegations of inappropriate behavior plague the former Vice President, the possibility of Al Gore seeking alternative employment has never been closer to reality. While adjusting to an EMS salary will prove itself to be difficult, I couldn’t think of a better person for the job.

So now we ask ourselves the question of the week. What kind of paramedic would Al Gore be?

Shifts

Recent news has shown us that Mr. Gore prefers to operate at night. I’m guessing that his service would be based out of a hotel room as well.

Response

Al Gore wouldn’t utilize traditional forms of EMS dispatch. He would require extensive scientific studies performed by people not related to the health care industry before responding to calls for service.

Vehicles

EMTs and paramedics working for Al Gore’s ambulance service would be required to drive hybrid or electric powered vehicles. This would require longer response time standards. Also phrases like “the golden hour” would be abolished as such time frames would be unachievable. It should also be noted that members of management would be exempt from using these vehicles and would be issued large SUVs.

Radio Reports

Rather than call into base hospitals via a core radio, Al Gore would hand off patient information in the form of books and public speeches.

Uniforms

Al Gore would most likely adapt the traditional button-up EMS uniform. This includes an “AIAS” patch, an acronym for “An Inconvenient Ambulance Service”.

Critical Incident Stress Management

Al Gore would address the stress that comes with running critical calls by participating in sessions of late night massages at his hotel-based ambulance station. These sessions are private and confidential.

Equipment

There are many essential tools that make running Mr. Gore’s ambulance service possible. Some of which include:

• Solar powered cardiac monitor / defibrillator - Comes with an optional hand-crank for night time use. This device is capable of delivering up to 13 joules of energy with every5 hour solar charge.
• Gauze wraps – Made from 100% used bandages. Not very sanitary but extremely environmentally friendly.
• Reusable IV catheters.
• Wind powered laryngoscope – The portable wind generator can be stuck out the window of a moving ambulance to illuminate the light while intubating. Unfortunately due to the low speed of the hybrid ambulance, the light isn’t very bright.

As always, I welcome any comments or suggestions. Have a great week!