If Lindsay Lohan was a Paramedic

This weeks Celebrity Medic features someone who many will think isn’t fit for the job. Some may criticize my writing and say that she’s too irresponsible or flaky to hold down a job in EMS. I say your wrong! With her career circling the drain, she may be forced to find alternative forms of employment, and what better job could she land than being a paramedic? So hang tight and read on to see how I answer the question of the week…..

What kind of paramedic would Lindsay Lohan be?

Shifts

I’m not quite sure what kind of shift that she would prefer to work, I just know that she might have some issues showing up on time. Perhaps making duplicates of her passport would solve this issue.

Protocols

Whatever system Lindsay works in, would have to have loose protocols on controlled substances. I really couldn’t see her being tied down by making base contact to crack open the narc-box.

Vehicle

I would recommend that she drive a Volkswagen Bug(as seen in Herbie), but by the looks of things, I’m thinking that calling a taxi would be more appropriate.

Dispatch

Lindsay wouldn’t carry around the traditional UHF or VHF radio. Instead she prefers to be summoned to calls for service by subpoena’s.

Base Contact

Lindsay wouldn’t utilize the radio or cell phone to make contact. Instead she would hand off patient information in the form of tabloid articles and TMZ commentary. Besides, we know all the nurses would be right on top of that.

Court Appearances

All of us that have been working in EMS have probably been called to appear in court at one time or another. For most people, this can be stressful and sometimes frightening. For Lindsay this would be a walk in the park. Her experience in the legal system far exceeds that of anyone else currently working in the pre-hospital setting.

Equipment

As always, I sit here every week and brainstorm the type of equipment that our Celebrity Medics would carry. You might be surprise at what comes next.

• A Passport – To make sure she can make her shift on time.
• Scram Device – This can be rubbed up against other people to detect their blood-alcohol level.
• Over-sized sunglasses – Used at BSI, and for hiding hangovers.
• Modified Boots – To fit the scram device.
• Blackberry – Used to reference medical information and keep in touch with her bail bondsman.

As always, feel free to comment below or e-mail me with suggestions, comments or hate mail.