If Chuck Norris was a Paramedic

If you have never heard of Chuck Norris, then you have been living under a rock with no daytime cable. From the “Delta Force” to “Walker Texas Ranger”, he has shown the world that he is one certified badass. Now today we are going to talk about what happens when you take Chuck Norris from the role of kicking ass to saving lives. So now the big question……

What Kind of Paramedic Would Chuck Norris Be?

Shifts

Chuck Norris doesn’t work shifts. He tells people when they are allowed to have emergencies. This is done around his busy schedule. At no time will he be tied down to scheduled hours.

Scene Safety

We all know the “Texas Ranger” doesn’t need to cleared to a scene. As a matter of fact, he prefers to live life on the edge. The more dangerous the scene, the better. My guess is law enforcement wouldn’t be dispatched to any of his calls.

Response

Chuck Norris doesn’t respond to calls. The calls respond to him. When he gives the OK to have an emergency, patients will make their way to his location. He can’t be bothered with driving and trying to find peoples homes.

Vehicle

Chuck Norris doesn’t need a vehicle to respond in, as he doesn’t respond. Patient’s seeking his services must provide their own form of transportation.

Partner

Come on now…..we all know Chuck Norris works alone!

Equipment

Chuck Norris doesn’t need medical gear, tools or medications. Disease processes quiver at the very sight of Chuck Norris and have no choice but to immediately comply to his demands. Patients suffering from trauma usually got their injuries as a result of a Chuck Norris beating. There isn’t much treatment that can be done to improve their condition anyway.

You can’t end a post about Chuck Norris without including some old Chuck Norris facts…..

Here are some health/medical related Chuck Norris facts that I found for your reading pleasure!

The leading causes of death in the United States are

  1. Heart disease
  2. Chuck Norris
  3. Cancer

TNT was originally developed by Chuck Norris to cure indigestion

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn’t foolish enough to attack him.

Chuck Norris doesn’t get frost bite. Chuck Norris bites frost.

Chuck Norris’ tears can cure cancer. The only problem is, Chuck Norris doesn’t cry.

As always, feel free to post any more Chuck Norris facts. Enjoy!

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