If Batman was a Paramedic

The other day I noticed a paramedic from out of the area with quite a large “utility belt”. Of course I nudged my partner and said “that guy has more gadgets on his belt than Batman”. Now we all know that such a thing isn’t really possible as NOBODY can outdo Batman. This did make me wonder what Batman would carry if he was a career Paramedic? Better yet, what kind of Paramedic would he be?

Night Shifts

“The Dark Knight” doesn’t do days. My guess is he would probably work a 19:00 to 07:00 shift. This would pretty much guarantee night time hours.

Scene Safety

Batman has never heard of the word “staging”. As a matter of fact, he clears the scene to make it safe for the cops to enter. You can be assured that he carries all his personal protective equipment at all times.

Dispatch

I think we all know how Batman would be dispatched to calls. The Bat Signal! This of course would have to be accompanied by some form of on-board computer in his rig. Even Batman needs some way to keep track of times and information for his paperwork.

Vehicle

The Bat-mobile is great for first-responding, but not so great for transporting patients. My guess is that he wouldn’t work on the ground at all. He would probably retrofit the Bat-Copter to serve as an air-ambulance. Of course, Batman’s night vision capabilities would allow him to handle more high-risk flights. Now some of you might ask “how is Batman going to fly and do patient care and the same time?”……Come on guys, He’s Batman!

Partner

Every good Paramedic needs a partner. Of course we all know that Robin is the man for the job. Only, I don’t see Robin as being a Paramedic. I see him as a really good EMT-Basic or Intermediate at best.

Equipment

OK, now comes the good stuff. I am going to list some essential equipment that Batman would use.

  • Bat Sheers – Needed for cutting clothes, leather, car doors and seat belts.
  • Bat Stethoscope – You think your “Cardiology 3” is good? You can put his to the ground and hear a heartbeat in China!
  • Bat Radio – Consists of a tiny chip placed in his mask. No pesky Motorola’s for Batman!
  • Bat Scope – A laryngoscope made of carbon fiber. It also has unlimited battery life.
  • Bat Light – A penlight with x-ray vision.
  • Bat Monitor – A pair of cool-looking glasses so he can just at the heart right through the chest.
  • Bat Computer – 1,000 times tougher than the Panasonic Toughbook.
  • Bat Phone – Integrated with the Bat-Radio chip in his mask.
  • Bat Board – A backboard that folds into a pocket-size. My guess is that it would be made of some form of steel.

These are only a few examples of what could possibly be in Batman’s inventory. I am now calling on each of you to help me list the essential tools for Batman to carry while he’s on-duty!

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